Download Article Download Article

Are you getting serious about a relationship and wondering how to ensure it's long and healthy? Or maybe you've had a committed partner for years and want to strengthen the relationship even more. Either way, while relationships are hard work, they're also incredibly fulfilling and worth the effort! Read on for a comprehensive guide to forging a healthy relationship using communication, trust, intimacy, and respect.

Things You Should Know

  • Develop trust, emotional intimacy, and good communication skills. Be honest and open with your partner, ask lots of questions, and listen.
  • Make time for dates and other fun activities. Spend quality time together, indulge in spontaneity, and use plenty of physical affection.
  • Fight fairly and resolve conflicts respectfully to move forward together. Establish needs and boundaries with your partner to minimize conflict.
1

Build a strong emotional connection.

Download Article
  1. [1] Maintaining a deep emotional connection with your partner is about making them feel loved and ensuring they do the same for you. Verbalize your deepest emotions to your partner and tell them that you love them. The more you share your thoughts and feelings, the more understood and emotionally fulfilled you'll both feel.[2]
    • A healthy relationship is one where both partners communicate, share their feelings, and respect one another without power imbalance.
    • However, your partner should never pressure you to be vulnerable when you're not ready, or push you to share every little thought.
    • Gratitude is also important. Make a daily habit of showing appreciation for your partner! Compliment their strengths and thank them when they do something for you.
  2. Advertisement
2

Spend quality time with one another.

Download Article
  1. Even if you've been together for a long time, planning activities with your partner is essential. Set aside 1 night each week to be your designated "date night," and think of fun things to do that you'll both enjoy. It's okay to spend some nights lounging at home, but also be sure to do things that take you out on the town![3]
    • Date nights can be anything you find fun (and romantic). For example, you could do karaoke, go bowling, revisit a favorite restaurant, or take a hike together.
    • Life gets busy sometimes, especially if work or kids are involved. If weekly date nights aren't feasible for the moment, plan monthly dates instead.
    • Try doing chores and household tasks together, too. This shouldn't replace dates or leisure activities, but it's a good way to spend quality time with your partner while ensuring that you share responsibilities.
3

Set expectations and boundaries.

Download Article
  1. Set personal boundaries and parameters for your relationship. Explain each boundary or expectation to your partner, and get verbal confirmation that they understand and will respect each one. Defining such limits will prevent conflict, and you'll have a basis for discussion if someone crosses the line.[4]
    • Boundaries could be personal, social, financial, or sexual. For example, you might explain to your partner that you value quality time with them, but you need at least 1 night a week to spend with friends.
    • In a healthy relationship, neither partner should try to control the other. Respect your partner's boundaries and ensure they do the same for you.
    • Don't be afraid to raise your standards for a relationship! Know what you want in the relationship, and don't settle for someone sub-par. You deserve a partner who will respect you and your needs.
  2. Advertisement
4

Understand your partner's needs.

Download Article
Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Are My Partner and I Compatible?

Do you ever wonder just how good a match you and your partner are? If you’ve recently started dating someone, are you curious about how much potential you have as a couple? It’s hard to measure compatibility (there’s no “formula” for it, after all), but taking a look at many aspects of a relationship can reveal where you and your partner are in sync and where you might experience conflicts. Our comprehensive quiz can help you do just that—and determine your overall compatibility.
1 of 12

Are you and your partner more emotional or more logical?

5

Communicate openly and honestly.

Download Article
  1. When you talk to your partner, communicate honestly about what bothers you and what you enjoy. Be specific about your emotional wants and needs. Communicate your needs at the beginning of your relationship. You're expressing vulnerability and trust in your partner by opening yourself up—and your openness also invites them to be just as honest with you.[6]
    • There's a difference between honesty and criticism. Avoid criticizing your partner—both to their face and to others. Phrase your words constructively and be respectful at all times.
    • If something is bothering you, express it gently but assertively. For example, you could say, "I love you very much, but sometimes, I feel frustrated when I come home to a dirty house. Can we come up with a solution?"
    • Ask your partner open-ended questions to allow them to express themselves freely too. You’ll facilitate meaningful communication by asking questions that require a thoughtful answer!
  2. Advertisement
6

Be an active listener.

Download Article
  1. Communication is a two-way road! When your partner speaks, give them your full attention; actively listen and remember what they say. Focus on understanding their words rather than formulating your response. Keep steady eye contact, and avoid interrupting them as they speak.[7]
    • Affirm that you're listening by making a small, reassuring noise like "Mhmm" or saying, "Go on."
    • Show your partner that you understand them by mirroring their words back to them. For example, if they tell you about a conflict at work, you could say, "It sounds like work is really frustrating for you right now."
    • Read your partner's body language to figure out how they’re feeling. Focus on making them feel better if they seem grumpy or tired!
7

Develop trust in one another.

Download Article
  1. Talk to your partner about trust and what it means to you. What do you consider a violation of trust? Does your version of trust differ from your partner's? Once you know what both of you need, focus on building trust. Follow through on your promises, be there for your partner in times of need, and respect their boundaries at all times.[8]
    • For example, some see physical cheating as a breach of trust but not emotional cheating, whereas others believe that emotional cheating is as bad as physical cheating. Clarify your outlook with your partner early on.
    • Openness and honesty are also vital for building trust—which is another reason you and your partner should practice them with one another.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 505 wikiHow readers, and 64% of them agreed that the most important aspect of a committed relationship is building trust and loyalty between partners. [Take Poll]
  2. Advertisement
8

Try new things and surprise each other.

Download Article
  1. Relationships can become routine quickly, so keep the spark going by thinking of fun and creative ways to surprise your partner. Spring a small gift or romantic activity on them, or bring them on a spur-of-the-moment overnight getaway. Do something neither of you has ever tried to keep both of you engaged and entertained.[9]
    • For example, if you've both talked about how fun it'd be to learn archery, sign you and your partner up for lessons! If you've been talking about your next vacation, suggest a place neither of you has been before.
    • Not every surprise has to be a grand, expensive gesture. It could be as simple as cooking your partner's favorite meal, buying their favorite treat after work, or offering them a romantic massage.
9

Keep the intimacy alive.

Download Article
  1. Make a point to initiate physical contact and build intimacy in the relationship. This could be cuddling on the couch, holding hands while out in public, hugging them more often, or giving them more kisses when the urge strikes! Talk to your partner about sex; if it's something you both desire, nurture your sex life and be honest about your desires.[10]
    • When discussing sex, discuss your preferences, expectations, desires, and limits. Once you and your partner understand each other's needs, it's easier to have a satisfying sex life.
    • Healthy relationships are all about feeling close to your partner, both emotionally and physically. If you feel like there's distance between you, there's still time to rekindle that spark!
  2. Advertisement
10

Resolve conflicts respectfully.

Download Article
  1. Whenever you fight, ensure you fight fairly: focus on the problem at hand and avoid blaming or name-calling. Use "I" statements to tell your partner how you feel without making them feel attacked, and work together to compromise and resolve the conflict in a way you both agree with.[11]
    • Ask your partner open-ended questions to get their perspective on the issue. Say, "What would be an ideal solution for you?" or "How do you think this would be best handled?"
    • An "I" statement would be, "I feel upset when you're late for our date night," rather than saying, "You're always late!"
    • Maintain a calm demeanor during the argument. Take deep breaths, slow down your speech so you have time to think, and don't be afraid to ask for a temporary break so you can cool off.
    • Burying conflicts is never healthy; you might avoid an argument, but the source of your troubles goes unresolved. Work with your partner to address conflict rather than letting it lie.
11

Apologize and forgive one another.

Download Article
  1. Recognize when you're in the wrong and apologize to your partner. Be specific; acknowledge your mistake and how it made your partner feel while explaining how you plan to fix things. If both of you have done something hurtful, taking the first step also makes it easier for your partner to follow suit and apologize, too.[12]
    • It's important to forgive your partner if they apologize, just as you'd want them to forgive you. Acknowledge your negative feelings and then release them as you forgive your partner.
    • Let go of grudges; holding onto them only worsens a problem. If your partner did something months ago, forgive them for it and move on. Don't use what they did in the past against them.
    • Learn to appreciate your differences. Those differences make the relationship dynamic and interesting; you don't need to agree on everything, so long as you understand one another.
  2. Advertisement
12

Be open to change.

Download Article
  1. Change happens as a natural part of life, and relationships evolve too. View each obstacle or major change as a chance to strengthen your relationship with your partner, and don't let your fears hold you back. Embrace change and focus on growing with your partner during your relationship's ups and downs.
    • Remember that ups and downs in a relationship are only natural. Don't blame your partner for your problems; work together as a team to overcome them.
    • Don't be afraid to get help together if changes in your relationship are too overwhelming to handle alone. You could consult a trusted confidante or a couples' therapist.
14

Learn to love yourself first.

Download Article
  1. When you value yourself, you're more likely to stick to your standards and expectations and look for a partner who is everything you deserve! Learn to love yourself by repeating positive affirmations, acknowledging and appreciating your strengths, and doing things that make you feel good.[13] [14]
    • If you struggle with appreciating yourself, try listing all your positive attributes. What do you do well? What are your greatest skills? If your friends described you, what would they say is your best quality?

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement

Tips

Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

You Might Also Like

What's Your Red Flag QuizWhat's Your Red Flag Quiz
Talk DirtyTalk Dirty
Satisfy a Woman13 Ways to Pleasure a Woman
Answer the "What Do You Like About Me" Question (for Men)Answer the "What Do You Like About Me" Question (for Men)
Answer "What Do You Like About Me"Answer "What Do You Like About Me"
Show Your Love to Your BoyfriendHow to Prove You Love Him Other Than Saying "I Love You": 21 Cute Ways
Show RespectShow Respect
Tell if Someone Is Losing Interest over TextTell if Someone Is Losing Interest over Text
Bro Code RulesHow to Follow the Bro Code
Signs Your Friends with Benefits Is Falling for You13 Signs Your Friends with Benefits Is Falling For You
Make Your Boyfriend Go Crazy over YouMake Your Boyfriend Go Crazy over You
What He Thinks when You Don't Text Him BackWhat He Thinks when You Don't Text Him Back
Be a Good Boyfriend21 Ways to Be a Better Boyfriend: Everything You Need to Know
Get your Boyfriend to Fall in Love with YouGet your Boyfriend to Fall in Love with You
Advertisement

About This Article

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Licensed Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Glenn Carreau. Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. This article has been viewed 305,151 times.
30 votes - 91%
Co-authors: 20
Updated: February 16, 2024
Views: 305,151
Article SummaryX

It can feel difficult to keep a relationship healthy, but if you focus on being open and honest with your partner, you’ll feel your relationship grow stronger each day. Communication is vital for any healthy relationship, so talk to your partner about things that bother you. For example, if your partner doesn’t clean the house enough, say something like “I love you, but I feel frustrated when I come home to a dirty house. Can we come up with a solution?” If you have an argument, avoid blaming each other or name-calling, since these are more hurtful than helpful. Instead, cooperate to find a solution you can both agree on. Additionally, make sure to set boundaries and expectations you have for each other so you’re on the same page. For instance, some couples like to split finances 50/50, while others pay for things individually. Knowing how your partner feels about these things will avoid conflict later on! To learn how to keep the romance alive in your relationship, read more from our Dating co-author!

Did this summary help you?

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 305,151 times.

Reader Success Stories

  • B. T.

    B. T.

    Apr 15, 2020

    "My partner loves me but he does not want to say those words. It seems difficult for him to say "I love..." more
Share your story

Did this article help you?

Advertisement