“Indeed, the penalty for those who wage war against Allah and His Messenger and make mischief in the land is none but that they be killed or crucified or that their hands and feet be cut off from opposite sides or that they be exiled from the land. That is for them a disgrace in this world; and for them in the Hereafter is a great punishment.” (Qur’an 5:33)
Is it time that Allah be killed or crucified or have his hands and feet on opposite sides cut off or, at the very least, that he be exiled from the land? Why? Because by now he has surely made enough mischief in the land to have triggered several of these recompenses. Here’s just a small selection of the mischief that Allah has perpetrated in Iran alone between February 1979 and February 2020, a mere forty-one years.
Eight years of war against fellow Muslims across the marshes (ok, they were Sunnis, and Arabs):
The Satanic Verses got published; Khomeini is dead while Rushdie lives on; never-ending earthquakes, many, caused by scantily-clad women, the latest just a few days ago on the Iran-Turkey border, killing many; drought, caused by scantily-clad women; sinkholes, within which dwell djinn, the keepers of scantily-clad women; women defiantly rendering themselves scantily-clad; rockets blowing up on lift-off time and time again; top-secret nuclear evidence stolen from right under their noses; the Little Satan’s jets taking leisurely sight-seeing flights all over the Islamic Republic; vast quantities of oil unsold; fuel shortages in the country most blessed with vast quantities of oil; a US drone taking revenge on Iran for shooting down of its brother by blowing the top Iranian general to bits in front of his subordinates; bereavement and retaliation for Soleimani’s killing costing 138 Iranian lives in a demonstration of spectacular Islamic incompetence; the Great Satan gets to investigate gross Islamic incompetence at the PS752 crash site in Tehran; never-ending fitna from a population that doesn’t understand how favoured they are; and on, and on, and on.
Why do the Muslims have to suffer such tragedies? Are they not the people Allah loves because they love him so? The absolute cruelest has to be the coronavirus epidemic with which Allah punished China for its turning the Uighur Muslims away from Islam. It is a just punishment, until you realise that the country with the second largest death toll from the virus is — wait for it — the Islamic Republic of Iran! How is this justice? Surely Iran is as joyless as Allah commands. Why is he treating Islamic Iran the same as anti-Islamic China? We know this is not a joke because there are no jokes in Islam. With this kind of behaviour, surely, it is time for a fatwa against Allah, and that the Qur’an to be thrown at him, in particular 5:33, where he commands quite clearly,
By making mischief in the Islamic Republic of Iran, Allah has been waging war against himself and his own messenger. Of course, it is possible to doubt that Allah would wage war against himself, but then we look at his all-time favourite believers, his ummah, the very best of peoples, the ones whose religion he personally perfected for them without their even asking. Take a look at the ummah to see what Allah at war against himself looks like.
Your blessings are showered on the homes of unbelievers, strangers all.
Only on the poor Muslim, Your wrath like lightning falls.
—Muhammad Iqbal, Complaint and Answer to the Complaint, (1909-1913).
Wannabe caliph Erdogan has just gone to war against brother Bashar. El-Sisi hates Erdogan’s guts for supporting Muhammad Morsi and his merry band of brothers, and for generally making much mischief in his land. Erdogan has also been making mischief in Israel and in Cyprus and in Libya and even on the open seas between them. Yet Allah has made more mischief inside Iran than Erdogan has been making outside of it.
Or perhaps we should just give it some time. No self-respecting caliph, whether actual or fancied, can go for long without picking a fight with somebody. Just the other day, Erdogan stuck up to Russia over Syria and is not minded to back down. And there’s still China, don’t forget, where Muslims in Xinjiang Autonomous Region are wholesale having the perfect religion drawn from them and not in a nice way. One wonders why Jerusalem, peopled by Arabs formerly colonised by Turks, is a red line for Erdogan, while Kashgar, home to Uighurs, a Turkic people colonised by Han, is not a red line for him. Surely a caliph couldn’t let that pass.
So why the earthquake on the Turkey-Iran border? Weren’t Erdogan and Rouhani and Mahathir and little Imran going the extra mile to get the ummah together to confront the unbelievers’ ghastly “Islamophobia”? Weren’t Erdogan and little Imran going to go into show business with their own TV station and all — ventriloquist and dummy? What happened about that? The mischievous hand of Allah was, no doubt, at play there, too, for it will not have gone unnoticed that this little Gang of Four had no Arab amongst them, and we all know that only Arabs may call an ummah unity bash, not upstart second-circle Muslims who learnt their Islam from Arabs. It would be like saying the Prophet Muhammad Peace Be Upon Him was a Turk. Or he was a Persian, a Malay, or, Heavens forbid, a Pakistani! Of course the Arabs put their foot down on the upstart Pakistani’s neck. What else could they do?
But wait, there is more. Why did they stomp on little Imran’s neck instead of on Rouhani’s. Ah, of course. Iran’s missiles, the ones famous for blowing up before they can get properly off the ground, got off the ground just fine and even hit their targets the night the Shi’ite pretenders to the Islamic throne wanted to teach the Sunni murderers of Hussain a lesson (same ummah, different Muslims). Why, on that one occasion, did the missiles work? Because Allah willed it, that’s why. So the House of Saud, too, must be well-irritated with Allah — how many pilgrims got killed in that recent Hajj again? The Iranian bull’s eye shot on the Saudi oil installation notwithstanding, Iran and Saudi Arabia must both have it well in for Allah by now. Therein, surely, lie the seeds for healing the thousand-year Sunni-Shi’a split.
…Naaa.
Allah’s been making mischief in Iran, in Turkey, in Syria, in Saudi Arabia, in Libya, in Malaysia, in Iraq, in Lebanon, come to think of it, even in Indonesia Christians presume to run for high office, no one believes Yemen did the missile thing, Sudan lost its internal source of slaves, in Mauritania slavery must now be hidden, as if it’s something to be ashamed of, in Western Sahara the Jews and the Christians are up to something, in Bahrain Jews sat pretty, in Kashmir polytheists got the better of Muslims and the Myanmar infidels dared to dump their Muslim invaders back into Bangladesh. Over and above all that, nowhere is da’wa bringing in converts, everywhere apostates and infidels mock the holy Qur’an, despise the Prophet SAW and, as if all that isn’t bad enough, Muslims are leaving Islam in droves, somehow ashamed of being the best of people whose top “scholars” have become the laughing stock of the civilised world — what is going on? For 1400 years infidels everywhere feared Islam, now they laugh at it. Subhanallah!
In every land where the ummah resides, there Allah makes mischief. Is it not time for the ummah finally to unite, even if only for the expediency of banishing Allah from the land, from all Muslim lands? It would be the most lenient of the prescribed punishments for mischief-makers, because most Muslims are still ever so attached to Allah, bless them. To kill Allah, or crucify him, or chop off his hand and foot from opposite sides would be to cause Muslims great distress, and as we all know, we must at all times be sensitive towards their feelings. We must be harsh with the infidel and lenient towards the Muslim. Could Allah deserve any less than a Muslim who has been remiss? Surely not. That would be like giving to Allah females and to Muslims males.
There is no need for extremism. A simple deportation will do. Shaitan knows all about kickings-out and falls from Grace. He might just be the friend Allah so badly needs at this difficult time. While Allah is all-forgiving, he must hope that Shaitan can manage forgiveness just this once.
Aussie Infidel says
Anjuli, Thank you for putting such a humorous spin on Allah’s (ie Muhammad’s) medieval mischief and the psychopaths who promote it. It would be funny if it was not so serious; but as the Ayatollah Khomeini said,”There can be no fun in Islam”. What a sad, dysfunctional and violent ideology Islam has been. Let’s hope you are right and it is as moribund as you suggest. Billions of people will be happy to see it quickly disappear from the face of the Earth.
Even Muhammad predicted Islam’s demise: “The Messenger of Allah (Mohammed) observed: Verily Islam started as something strange and it would again revert (to its old position) of being strange just as it started, and it would recede between the two mosques just as the serpent crawls back into its hole.” [Sahih Muslim, Book 001, Number 0270.]
In the meantime, have a good laugh with American ventriliquist Jeff Dunham and his dummy Achmed the Dead Terrorist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=53&v=GBvfiCdk-jc&feature=emb_logo.
gravenimage says
🙂
Quazgaa says
LMFAO!!!!
Miss Pandavar, you are a hidden treasure!!
roberta says
I dont expect the facts to matter much to anyone waiting on the 12th imam to pop up out of his well, or whatever that lost imam craziness is. But Anjuli Pandavar has put the fact forward, in detail.
I sure hope #12 doesnt pop out of our well. We replaced the pump this past summer and it was a miserable job I dont care to repeat any time soon.
Infidel says
Roberta
Do you live in Qum? ?
If not, you’re safe
gravenimage says
Roberta,I think you and your well are safe!
roberta says
Just joking, I know Im extra safe (we have a black dog) And that trumps all things islam. 🙂
gravenimage says
I knew you were joking, Roberta. I was thinking of adding a joke about our new sump pump…
Westman says
“…drought, caused by scantily-clad women…”
Iran’s “leaders” can’t even keep their absurd claims straight. Whatever happened to, “The Israelis are stealing our rainwater from the clouds”?
gravenimage says
🙂
Infidel says
Anjuli
The only exception to your otherwise cheerful account of everything happening in dar ul islam is Europe, where schools are teaching kids the shehada, prisons are conversion centers for islam and muslims are as aggressive as ever
But you are right: initially, the Muslims think that Beijing is being punished for persecuting the Uyghurs, until presto! Coronavirus hits dar ul islam as well. First it’s Iran, and that too, where does it start? None of their historic cities or capitals – not Teheran, not Isfahan, not Shiraz, not Nishabour, but… Qum! The very city where the Mahdi is supposed to come out of the well and bring about doomsday. Maybe the djinn were pretty excited to see that covid19 had that sacred islamic number 19 on it, and decided to marry covid19, and start procreating, so that the pilgrims coming to Qum each left w/ some kids of Mr djinn and Mrs covid19. And just like in the 7th century Iran went from Zoroastrian to Muslim, today, Iran has gone from healthy to coronavirus.
I know it’s in bad form to cheer a virus, and I don’t mean to do it, but heck! Covid19 has done what no infidel army would dare to do – end all Muslim pilgrimages. Today, Saudi Arabia decided to cancel all Haj trips to Mecca and Medina, while Iran has asked everybody to stop going to their pilgrim spots, like Qum and Mashhed. Now if only they could last long enough to completely immobilize the imams and mullahs in both countries, islam could then be quarantined.
As for Erdogan, I like how Beijing has managed to draw a line in the sands of Turkistan (no less) what he can do in his quest for leadership of the ummah. Like he’s decided to pick Pakistan’s side against India’s, and also make allies in Kuala Lumpur and Teheran, but he dare not stand up against Beijing. You also made an interesting point of how Jerusalem is a red line for the Turks but Kashgar ain’t.
As for the Saudis stomping on Pakistan, that’s simply b’cos that’s the only country they could stomp on. Iran, as you said, they’re already at odds w/, and the same w/ Turkey. Malaysia ain’t dependent on them. The only exception is Pakistan, which is an international panhandler totally owned by both Beijing and Riyadh. Seriously, if they wanna buddy up w/ their new pals Erdogan, Rouhani and Mahathir, they should stop taking money from the Saudis (who unlike Erdogan won’t back them against India) and start taking it from Qatar instead. In fact, they can make al Jazeera their TV station and move it to Islamabad, and start broadcasting worldwide all their anti islamophobia shows. Heck, there are so many people in CAIR, ISNA, MCB and other Islamic organizations elsewhere that they could employ as local correspondents
Also. not only has Burma decided to kick out their Muslims back into Bangladesh, but India started talking about a population registry, and suddenly, Bangladeshi Muslims are quietly moving back into Bangladesh. The past plans of Muslims to simply immigrate to bilad ul Kafir and procreate is no longer working. And while there have been demonstrations against the Indian government for their citizenship amendment act, which allows everybody but Muslims to flee Islamic persecution in Pakistan, Afghanistan and Bangladesh, there’s one small issue w/ that: timing! They all did that after the Indian government was reelected by a bigger margin last year, even though that law was introduced in 2014, and not just snuck up after the election. While they have been demonstrating, the law has already been passed, is unlikely to be overturned and in the end, Muslims will just have to suck it up – like they had to acquiesce w/ the Ayodhya mosque site being awarded to the Hindus
Only thing about your deporting allah proposal, or in plainer language, mass apostasy of all Muslims – while most countries will remain intact, Pakistan and Bangladesh would look about as odd as an East Germany or North Korea or South Yemen. Not that India would want to take in those basketcases, but they’d still look really odd.
But hey, after reading about everything that allah is doing to the Mohammedans, I’m tempted to say, like they do, alhamdullillah, or praise be to allah!
gravenimage says
Allah’s Mischief, the Ummah’s Misery
……………………..
Very funny, Anjuli! Of course, Muslims would say what they always do–that the solution to all of these problems is just more Islam…
mortimer says
Agree with Anjuli Pandavar. It isn’t called ‘crimes against humanity’ when MUSLIMS DO IT.
Ajay says
Brilliantly funny article.
Mark Spahn (West Seneca, NY) says
Infidel writes, “Maybe the djinn were pretty excited to see that covid19 had that sacred Islamic number 19 on it, and decided to marry covid19, and start procreating, so that the pilgrims coming to Qum each left with some kids of Mr djinn and Mrs covid19. And just like in the 7th century Iran went from Zoroastrian to Muslim, today, Iran has gone from healthy to coronavirus.”
Yes, the weird proliferation of the number 19 (Quran 74:30) heralds the coming of End Times. In the right margin of this very article is an advertisement for something called the AmericanTruthProject.org. Notice how their round ATP emblem is festooned with an Islamic crescent of stars. How many stars? Count ’em! Just like the
http://www.thepostturtle.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Clinton-Foundation-Logo.jpg
Infidel says
That’s an amazing observation, Mark. You’ll recall the controversy over the Crescent of Embrace in Shanksville, PA, where a monument that was supposed to commemorate the heroes of Flight 93 seemed to morph into an Islamic monument before a public outcry forced them to change the design. Here, the Clinton Foundation logo is designed as a ‘C’ – for Clinton, but also resembles a ☪️, but it also consists of exactly 19 stars – very stunningly identical to a number of major significance in islam
gravenimage says
Yes–that thing in Pennsylvania was a travesty. Glad good people spoke out against it.
FYI says
MERS-CoV was first identified in Saudi Arabia in 2015{MERS is Middle East Respiratory Syndrome} and in Egypt and Qatar:people died.
muslims died.
muslims think allah is punishing the Chinese:but why did the MERS-CoV first come from,of all places, islam’s “holy land” where the first cases appeared?
allah must be fed up with all that false islamic piety.
muslims who might think they are immune to the coronavirus are as foolish as the “prophet” muhammed’s mistaken belief that if he proceeded eating meat which he KNEW to be poisoned,allah would save him.
He died -of course:an agonizing,drawn out demise,as anyone would who ate meat they KNEW to be poisoned thus showing that..
1]muhammed was a false prophet {his allah didn’t save him} and
2]muhammed was a complete moron.
{only a complete moron eats meat he KNOWS is poisoned..the leg of roast meat even spoke to and warned him(in islam,meat can talk)….and then imagines he has some kind of divine protection from the dire consequences.
I mean, it is bad enough if you didn’t know the meat was poisoned but muhammed KNEW it was poisoned..and he ate it anyway.And it killed him.
You Tube acts17apologetics who killed muhammed?}