As he prepared for his turn with the afternoon group on Monday, Andrew Shaw poked his head out of the locker room at Fifth Third Arena to get a look at the morning session, the first practice of Blackhawks training camp. He saw guys doubled over with their sticks across their knees, gasping for breath. He saw them flying through drills that were second nature to them. He saw a life he once knew, and a life he was excited to know again.
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He was also kind of freaking out a little.
“It caused a lot of anxiety seeing how exhausting it was,” Shaw said. “I haven’t been in a practice in over a year. So I was a little nervous.”
Of course, once he stepped on the ice, he was fine. He’s been doing this his whole life, after all. He felt strong on his feet, confident with the puck, comfortable among all the new faces he’s “going to get to go to war with,” in his words. Shaw’s always been comfortable on the ice, in the locker room, chatting with reporters. That’s always been his element.
But if one positive thing came out of his 13-month-long, career-threatening recovery from a serious brain injury, it’s that he’s now also perfectly comfortable off the ice, away from the boys, far from the cameras.
A year away from the game he loves reminded him how much he loves it. But it also showed him that he doesn’t need it.
“Obviously, it was tough being away from the game and the guys in the room,” he said. “But to be able to spend that time with my family helped me push through this, helped me get better, let me see life without hockey and know that if anything happened to me, injury-wise, I am good. I’m OK without hockey. I’ll survive. Andrew Shaw is not hockey. I have a life outside of hockey. I have a family, I have friends. … It’s nice to feel that.”
That thought — that ever-present possibility of a career-ending injury — will forever loom over Shaw’s career, as long as it lasts. His scrappy, often reckless style of play is what got him to the NHL after twice being passed over in the NHL Draft. It’s what helped him win two Stanley Cups. It’s what made him a fan favorite, his blood-stained cheek one of the indelible images of the 2013 title run.
It’s also why he hasn’t played more than 68 games over the last four seasons. Concussions and other injuries have been as much a part of his career as colorful chirps and David vs. Goliath fights. He’s taking some steps to protect himself better in the future, working with skills coach Brian Keane over the offseason to improve his scanning ability and spatial awareness on the ice. He’s even wearing a visor for the first time in his career, something he had always refused to do after having one carve out a slice of his face during a minor-league scrap nearly a decade ago.
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“I’m pretty as it is right now,” he joked. “I don’t want to make that any worse. It’s both precautionary and (being) sick of bleeding everywhere.”
But no, we’re not entering the finesse era of Shaw’s career. He’s still Andrew Shaw. He’ll always be Andrew Shaw.
“How I play is why I’m here,” he said Wednesday, a common refrain throughout his career. “I’m going to stick to that as best I can without putting myself in vulnerable positions. … I can’t play scared. If I play scared, I’m just going to end up putting myself in vulnerable positions.”
He sounds happy and well-adjusted. He feels healthy and confident, claiming he cooked nearly every meal for his family over the past year (he’s particularly fond of his new smoker, in which he’s made brisket, pulled pork, lamb chops, salmon, tacos, you name it). He was in his home gym two hours a day, six days a week before arriving in Chicago about six weeks ago. All the time off has helped not just “clear my head,” but also move past lingering back, shoulder, neck, hip and leg problems that dog just about every player in the sport.
He’s in a great place, mentally and physically. Which is pretty remarkable considering where he was a year ago, dealing with headaches, exhaustion, aches and pains, wondering if he’d ever play again.
“It crossed my mind,” he said. “But the Chicago training staff and doctors made sure I saw people I needed to see to get better. It really was just committing to making sure I felt better. Whether or not I was going to play wasn’t my first goal. My first goal was to get better and feel like myself.”
It started with some time away from the team, the rink, the doctors. The Blackhawks let him go home for a week before Christmas, and then again when his second child was born in January. There was no chance of him coming back by the end of the season, so quarantine just meant more quality time at home. Being a doting father and a helpful husband helped him realize he’d be OK if this was indeed the end at just 29 years old.
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But watching his old buddies knock out the Oilers in the preliminary round of the summer postseason and give Vegas a fight in the next round rekindled the fire. Just because he was at peace with the end of his career didn’t mean he had to accept it.
“I was feeling really good, and as the boys were in the bubble and watching those games, that love for hockey just sparked again,” he said. “Obviously, when you’re feeling down and sore and in pain and having headaches, it’s tough to love the game at that point. So that’s why I focused on getting better before I made a decision.”
Shaw had barely gotten a chance to know Jeremy Colliton by the time his season was cut short, but they formed a bond in a long-distance relationship. Colliton’s own promising career was derailed by concussions, and Colliton shared the perspective he had gained over the years.
“We’ve had a lot of talks through this process,” Colliton said. “He wants to play and I understand that all too well myself. … He’s put a lot of work in off and on the ice to prepare himself as best as he can to be a big part of our team. That just makes me happy. I’m happy for him, I’m proud of him. It’s definitely a tough stretch of months for him. But he brings so much energy to our team, so much l life, and he plays hard.”
Shaw’s style — always grinding, always trying to prove himself — is the mindset the undermanned and likely overmatched Blackhawks are going for this season. Stan Bowman referred to it as a “competitive relentlessness,” and you can’t really sum up Shaw any better than that. So while Colliton and Shaw talked about the big picture, they also talked about the granular details. Especially once Shaw decided late in the summer to give it another go.
“It’s tough to jump back into the season, so I made sure I kept in contact with him,” Shaw said. “We had Zoom calls to go over systems, style of play, everything like that. I made sure when I got here to camp, I was ready. I wasn’t just ready to play, I was ready system-wise. Missing so much time, timing can be tough. So I just wanted to make sure, and Jeremy was happy to help. It’s huge when you have a coach that’ll go to (those) lengths with you that way.”
Shaw’s still out there yammering away in everyone’s ears, still over-celebrating his own practice goals, still digging pucks out of the corner as if the Stanley Cup were on the line and still keeping the room loose. But he’s also texting videos of his kids to Patrick Kane, anxiously awaiting the return texts featuring clips of little Patrick Kane III. He’s not the brash young kid crashing the party anymore.
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He’s the wizened veteran, well aware of how fortunate he is to be back with the boys, but also well aware of how fortunate he’ll still be when it’s all over.
“Now (Kane) gets to see what life without hockey is,” Shaw said. “It’s great mentally. You might go home upset after a game, but you see your little boy or your little girl smiling, laughing, and it’s amazing. The frustrations and heartaches of hockey just dust off your shoulders when you have a kid.
“Life after hockey is going to be pretty amazing.”
(Photo: John Russell / NHLI via Getty Images)
