Why Are Stillborns' Graves Unmarked?
By Yehuda Shurpin
losing a child of any age is heart-wrenching, and I would encourage anyone who unfortunately is experiencing this to explore some of our articles
on the topic. While the following is meant to focus on the specific
question asked, I hope that it offers some perspective as well.
It is important to note that although the term “stillborn” is usually
defined as a child who was born without life, from a halachic
perspective, it would also include a baby who was born prematurely and
then died. The Hebrew term for both of these is nofel. Or Nefel.
Practically, since it is usually hard to know whether a child is
considered to have been born “prematurely” from a halachic perspective,
this includes any baby who, G‑d forbid, passes away within the first 30 days of life.
In general, a baby who dies within 30 days needs to be buried,1 albeit without the usual funeral and mourning rituals. None of the liturgies of the burial service, including Kaddish, are recited.
There are, however, specific laws that pertain to the burial of this child, which are taken care of by the chevra kadisha
(Jewish burial society). This includes giving the baby a name, as well
as circumcising the baby if need be. The baby is buried privately,
usually with just three people from the burial society present.
Generally, even the family is not in attendance.2
One of the reasons for this is that until quite recently, the rate of
neonatal death was quite high. In the Middle Ages, parents anticipated
many pregnancies, fully aware that a high percentage of the babies would
not survive. As sad as miscarriages and stillbirths were, the family
and the community knew of the risks and expected a certain amount of
loss.
The rabbis were aware of this as well. Thus, the predominant position
of Jewish law was that if a baby did not survive for 30 days, it was as
if the baby had not lived.3
Although the child was buried, there was no funeral per se, the grave
was left unmarked, and the parents might never know where the grave was
located. It was considered an act of kindness to the parents and the
community, for without the restriction, families would have been in
mourning almost continuously.
(Note: Since times have changed and stillbirths have, thank G‑d,
become a somewhat rarer occurrence, there are some communities in which
the parents attend the burial. One should consult with one’s rabbi
and/or the local burial society.)
The Resurrection of the Dead
Although, as mentioned, there is no funeral or mourning, we are still
careful to bury the child. One reason for this stems from the cardinal
Jewish belief that the soul is eternal.4
When people pass away, their souls continue on in the afterlife, and
eventually, in the messianic era, the dead will be resurrected and
reunited with their loved ones.
This applies even to a stillborn baby. It is for this reason that a stillborn is named by the chevra kadisha and is even circumcised post-mortem (for more on this, see Post-mortem Naming and Circumcision for a Stillbirth).
The Zohar
explains that proper burial in the ground is conducive to the
resurrection process and a reflection of belief in the resurrection of
the dead.5
Why Were These Souls Born?
There are esoteric reasons why a soul must briefly enter this world
in such a fashion, usually related to the loftiness of the soul.6
This soul was not here long enough to be mourned or even to come into
contact with (and perhaps be tainted by) the physicality of this world.
So Kaddish
and anything else to “elevate” the soul aren't needed. At the same
time, this is a lofty soul that will eventually be resurrected together
with all the other souls, and as such we make sure to bury the child.
Furthermore, the Talmud7 states that Moshiach
and the ultimate redemption will not come until there are no more souls
in the heavenly storage house, and all the souls that are destined to
come into this world have done so. This is accomplished even by souls
such as these, which never fully lived.
Thus, we can take comfort in knowing that these souls took part in hastening the ultimate redemption and the coming of Moshiach.
May we merit the day when the words of the prophet Isaiah will finally be fulfilled: “Death shall be swallowed up forever, and G‑d shall wipe the tears from every face.”8
Footnotes
1.
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 263:5, 353:4; see also Darkei Chesed 18:4.
2.
See Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 353:4; Darkei Chesed 18:5.
3.
Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Aveilut 1:6; Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah 374:8.
4.
The other reasons relate to the laws of impurity as well as the prohibition of having any benefit from the dead.
5.
See Zohar 1:116a, 3:177a.
6.
For a fascinating example of this (albeit about an infant, not necessarily a stillborn) see The Reincarnated Prince.
7.
Talmud, Yevamot 62a.
8.
Isaiah 25:8.
By Yehuda Shurpin
A noted scholar and researcher, Rabbi Yehuda Shurpin serves as content editor at Chabad.org, and writes the popular weekly Ask Rabbi Y column.
Rabbi Shurpin is the rabbi of the Chabad Shul in St. Louis Park, Minn., where he resides with his wife, Ester, and their children.
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