We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books.

22 quotes from Phyllis Diller: 'Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.', 'A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.', and 'Cleaning your house w...

Aug 13, 2015 · The Wit of Phyllis Diller Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Housework can't kill ...

Aug 21, 2012 · "I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose ...

“I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

PHYLLIS DILLER QUOTES ... Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight. ... Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Aug 20, 2012 · * “I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn ...

Phyllis Diller · A stand-up comic is judged by every line. · It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. · Always be nice to ...