There are 8 billion other people on the planet, and yet you’ve chosen to date a friend’s ex. If you’re currently stuck in this unfortunate situation, here are some rules you should follow.
Rules To Follow When Dating A Friend’s Ex
Don’t Have Sex In Front Of Your Friend
There are plenty of places to have sex besides the rug directly in front of the television they’re trying to watch.
Fill Out Relevant Paperwork
Make sure all parties sign Significant Other Transfer Form 217C.
Date Them After The Murder, But Before The A&E Special
If you’re going to date your now-deceased best friend’s ex, make sure to do it after he kills her but before the release of a cable docuseries on the case.
Lie About The Whole Thing
If you’re lucky, you can put off the awkwardness for a few months until someone snitches on you.
Red Sky At Night, Friend’s Ex’s Delight, Red Sky At Morning, Friend’s Ex Take Warning
This is mostly relevant if the ex is a sailor.
Always Ask Your Friend Before You And The Ex Have Sex
Yes, every time. Per the Families and Partners Act of 1973, you are legally required to notify prior parties before any intimate doing.
Pay Your Friend A Fair Finder’s Fee
Forty bucks should cover it.
Call Dibs
It’s important to stake your claim before other members of your friend group try to swoop in on your friend’s ex.
Remove The Framed Oil Painting Of Your Friend That Hangs Above Your Bed
It’s best to put this memento in storage for the duration of your fling with their ex.
Propose Immediately
It’s good to get married as soon as possible and rule out the possibility of your partner getting back with your friend.
Don’t Post Pictures Of You And Your New Partner Hanging Your Friend In Effigy
At least give your friend a heads-up if you know they’re active on Instagram.
Thank Your Friend For Being Such A Disappointment
Their inadequacy has made you look great by comparison.
Ensure Your New Partner That You Will Treat Them As Poorly As Your Friend Did
It’s only right that you treat your new partner the way your friend treated them, which was horribly.
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Stop Asking The Ex To Compare Your Knowledge Of The Works Of Guy De Maupassant To Your Friend’s
Stop Asking The Ex To Compare Your Knowledge Of The Works Of Guy De Maupassant To Your Friend’s
It’s not good for your friendship or your relationship to dwell on who can quote Notre Cœur better.
Submit A Formal Injunction For Your Bro Code Violation
There can be lots of red tape to jump through, but it could be worth it to save a friendship.
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Letting your friend hook up with their ex every once in a while is just common courtesy.
Make Sure To Breakup With Them In A Different Way Than Your Friend Did
Try to find a new and exciting way to devastatingly break their heart!