The Immortal Bard

(piano music)

Hello, I'm Bob Mankoff

and welcome to our Bardolatrist episode

of The Cartoon Lounge.

The barding question is,

of course, the immortal William Shakespeare.

Much in the news these days because of the controversy

about, should we update his language.

Shakespeare is very, very dear to so many people,

but certainly New Yorker cartoonists.

Then we're in agreement.

There's nothing rotten in Denmark.

Something is rotten everywhere else.

Lee Lorenz, Hamlet again.

He's like, to be or not to be,

and I'm like, get a life.

This is a funny one by Jack Ziegler.

It says, Hamlet by WS, act one, scene one.

An old castle, interior.

Enter Hamlet, stage left.

Hamlet, hi Mom.

(laughing)

And then, I did this cartoon a number of years ago.

Hamlet's Duplex, 2B or Not 2B.

That is the question.

This is his most famous speech.

I love it, partly because I don't really understand it.

It makes me think of things

that I wouldn't otherwise think of.

Let me give you an example.

To be or not to be, that is the question.

Doesn't seem to bad, it's not multiple choice,

just two, okay.

Whether it is nobler in the mind

to bear the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

and by opposing, end them.

Now, I'm thinking the NRA was gonna say, take arms.

To die, to sleep no more.

Sleep, tell me about it.

I have so much trouble sleeping.

I have to decide, Unisom, Xanax, what's gonna work?

And by a sleep, to say we end the heartache

and the thousand natural shocks

that flesh is heir to.

A thousand natural shocks, absolutely.

349, colitis, that's me.

Plantar fasciitis, 547,

tinnitus, 782.

'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

To die, to sleep, to sleep perchance to dream,

aye, there's the rub.

Rub, rubbing, I forgot chaffing, I forgot,

that's one of the thousand natural shocks I've been heir to.

For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come

when we have shuffled off this mortal coil

must give us pause.

So let's pause.

Let's start again.

There's the respect that makes calamity of so long life.

Now, I've got to say,

my life was a calamity before it became so long.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

the oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,

the pangs of despised love.

I've been married three times.

They laws delay.

I've been trying to get a trademark

for one of my cartoons forever.

The insolence of office.

Just think of the times you've been

at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

And the pain that patient merit of the unworthy takes.

That means for me, when I'm at a cocktail party,

okay, and people are telling me,

here are great ideas for cartoons,

which are totally unmerited and are a complete pain,

but, I've gotta be nice at the party

and listen to them.

When he himself his quietus could make

with a bare bodkin.

Well, that's sort of over the top, really.

Who would fardels bear.

I've never borne a fardel in my life.

To grunt and sweat under a weary life.

This job is not that hard.

But that the dread of something after death,

the undiscovered country,

from whose bourn no traveler returns.

It puzzles the will

and makes us rather bear those ills we have.

Colitis, tinnitus, the whole other deal.

Than fly to others we know not of.

Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all,

and the native hue of resolution.

That's how Donald Trump looks, like this.

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought.

That's what this looks like.

And enterprises of great pitch and moment.

Like, you know, trying to monetize our web traffic.

(laughing)

With this respect their currents turn awry

and lose the name of action.

Wow, that's exhausting.

I can't do anything else.

Today's Ask Bob question is from Anthony Zee.

That's a great name, you've got the initial A and Z,

you've got the whole gamut.

Is it better to submit cartoons to The New Yorker

way back when I was young or now when I am old?

Well, I see Anthony that you are a professor of physics,

The Institute of Theoretical Physics

at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

So, I will ask you a question,

which will answer your question.

Is it better to become a theoretical physicist

when you're young or old?

Now you know the answer.