Name: Middle-class shoplifting.
Age: Like, Bible old. Make that Old Testament old. See Exodus 20:15: “Thou shalt not steal.”
We’re talking theft, then. See also Exodus 21:16: “And he that stealeth a man, and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death.”
Whoa, that escalated. Now we’re on to slavery and capital punishment! Yeah, now skip to Exodus 22:1: “If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it: he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four for a sheep.”
So this is about ox theft? Ox, socks, the odd box of chocolates …
Shoplifting! That’s what this is about. Yes!
Because shop thefts have more than doubled in the past three years, reaching 8m last year, at an annual cost to retailers of £953m. The outgoing John Lewis boss Sharon White has described it as an “epidemic”. Someone’s been paying attention.
Because economic downturn, food inflation, food poverty, cost of living crisis etc. It’s hardly surprising, is it? Yes, but …
Yes, but what? It’s not just that. Organised crime is a big part of it. The middle classes are also partly to blame.
Says who? Says Archie Norman.
The chair of Marks & Spencer? I guess he’d know. He says self-service checkouts play a part in this. “With the reduction of service you get in a lot of shops, a lot of people think: ‘This didn’t scan properly, or it’s very difficult to scan these things through and I shop here all the time, it’s not my fault, I’m owed it,’” he said, speaking on LBC radio. “There’s a little bit of that creeping in.”
Seeing as we’re talking about the middle classes, what about Waitrose? It’s training staff to spot customers putting items through as cheaper alternatives. Elsewhere, Sainsbury’s and Morrisons are introducing security gates after the self-service checkouts in some stores.
Jailsbury’s? Mor-prisons? Well, yes, that’s sort of what Norman said – that adding barriers, cameras and so on would be like turning shops into “prison camps”. The M&S approach “is to be open and welcome. We do little things, like make sure the steak is positioned in the right place so people can keep an eye on it.”
Sneaky. If a man shall steal an ox and all that. Call me old-fashioned … You’re old-fashioned!
… but one way of dealing with the issue would be to dump the scanners and replace them with – wait for it – people. Funny you should say that. Booths, sometimes referred to (by southerners) as “the Waitrose of the north”, has said it is doing just that, after a backlash from customers.
Do say: “Unexpected item in the bagging area: honesty!”
Don’t say: “£4.95 for a Poilâne sourdough?! Let’s call that an essential sliced white, shall we …”